I can't believe what I just did.

Two years of making sure you never found out and that one thought of seeing him tomorrow sent me over the edge into a rant and then you asked what he did. Oh God, you begged me to tell you.

It was so much easier when you never thought there was a problem. You'd never question it because you didn't know there was something to question. And I've told you. I guess it explains to you more about me now.

I thought you'd be mad. Instead you said, "hun, why havent you told me this before?"
You think I'm almost out of it... when really, I've never been in so deep.

I tried to change the subject but you wanted to know. And now you do. You promised you wouldn't let it cloud your judgement of me but I'm so scared already that it has. If somebody saw me in real life and hadn't read my LJ they would think I was perfectly normal, just like you did and now I'm fucking tainted.

Today was such a good day until mum kicked off. She was laid in her bed yelling me because I was ignoring her, I heard her mumble "Im gonna come in there and give you a smack," normally when she says that she can't get up but I heard the springs shift and I heard her on the landing and I heard her opening her door and then mine and I couldn't see her because of the total darkness but I knew she was there. I could hear her breathing... Mike had to drag her off me.