I feel like dying. I want to get you to understand why I did this but all you can see is that I've lied.
I'm so fucking sorry, I've told you I'll punish myself if that's what it takes.

I just wish I hadn't fucking said anything to anyone, I wish this guilt would stop tearing at me cos right now all I want to do is give up what I promised. Just yesterday I was saying I'd lost the want to cut and now it's all flooded back and I can't stop it.

If I could have just got home and explained why I'd lied and maybe lessened this but no, this always happens, someone always gets there before me.

Fuck, I felt sick this morning but now I'm definately queasy... gonna have to throw up :/ I hate this. I hate it.