My throat hurts from screaming at you, the lights on msn are flashing but I can't be bothered to see who is talking to me. The relief from earlier has soaked into me and cradled me, bursting my veins with love and it scared me but it doesn't matter anymore, I'm just glad you're okay and although I still love you I think I have come to terms that there won't be 'us' again. I think I'm okay with that.

Why? There's someone else. Someone I barely know, someone I like a lot but I'm scared people will see it as me just liking you for the sake of it when I don't, I liked you when I first met you and then when I saw you again two years later I couldn't help but flirt. Now you've invited a few of us around to yours for some beer, you admitted to liking me when you were drunk and I couldn't help but smile. When we were sat on your matress and you were hiding under the covers after you asked if you had a chance and then told me it didn't matter... I got butterflies :/ I thought they'd died.

I don't know what to do, am I ready to throw myself into something after being ripped to shreds? Am I willing to take a chance and be hurt again? I don't know, you're so different from anyone else. Your brother talks to me on msn and he goes on about how you like me and you're really, really frightened of girls or whatever and I don't know how to react. I basically told him I liked you too and he found it sweet but what if I can't do anything yet? What if I want to wait a week or two? A month? Will it seem like I'm just using you? That's my main fear right now, because I'd hate for this to be contaminated like everything else has been.

And then there's you. Fuck, I barely speak to you in town and now you add me on facebook and msn'ing flirting with me and practically asking me to take my shirt off? I dunno, you're a really, really sweet person who is like a lot of peoples brother but... what the hell. Is this just what you're like cos I don't feel that comfortable with it... but based on how lovely you are in person, I think I can drop it. Me having to block you though because I feel uncomfortable is too far :/ I'll unblock you tomorrow.

Also, my mum just came into my room freaking out at me. She'd slapped me earlier, it wasn't light either - I recoiled from the impact.
I forgot what it was like to be back here... but I prefer it to my dads house anyday.